This was written for me in a fix exchange with my daughter. I wrote her a Cam and Mitchell story, and she wrote me a Carl and Van Helsing story! :)


By my daughter, who likes anime and who has the shoe-shopping mentality of a young Imelda Marcos.

"Van Helsing! Van Helsing, I've finally done it," Carl said, running across the lab.

"Done what? Carl, if this is another one of your experiments, I don't-"

"Oh, you just wouldn't believe it," he exclaimed. "I've created the perfect weapon, er, shield, er, thing!"

Van Helsing pressed his fingers against his forehead and sighed. "Carl, you say this every week and I don't want to-"

"It combines speed and flexibility, and is even aerodynamic! Oh, I do think I have outdone myself this time," he mused.


"Oh, I'm sorry Van Helsing, were you saying something?"

"I said that I don't want to be a part of this experiment. It seems like when I get involved-"

Carl interrupted him with a scoff.

"But Van Helsing, you're the test run! I need to make sure it can work as well in the field as it did in the lab. You're a perfect candidate!"

"No. I said no before you even told me what it was, so no."

Carl opened his mouth to protest, but Van Helsing interrupted.


Carl seemed to sense his defeat, so he slowly walked away, mumbling incoherently. He got back to his new found invention. He looked at the pile of shiny, limp material and put his helmet on top of it.

"I hope this one works."

A week later, Carl was still pestering Van Helsing about testing his new ingenious invention, but to no prevail, he was still tester-less.

"Van Helsing, I will put in a good word with, with Him," he shouted as he pointed up, "if you test this for me!"

Van Helsing just scoffed and went back to shining his crossbow.

Almost immediately, Carl had an idea. An idea so diabolical that your brain may just explode if you think about it too much.

"I will give you full access to all my creations, at any time, for any reason."

This interested Van Helsing. He turned from his crossbow and with a grin asked, "So, if I walked in here and said, Carl, I need as many bows as you have because I am going to go kill the Queen of England, I'm supposed believe you would let me, no questions asked?"

"I guess when you put it that way, yes."

"You’re a damned liar."

"I am being completely honest. Remember, friar?"

"But you can still curse, so why wouldn't you lie."

"Just, I'm not," he takes a minute to sigh."Just, trust me."

Van Helsing pondered his options for a few seconds, then turned back to his polishing.

"Sorry Carl, the answer's still no."

Carl knew he would refuse. This is where his plan came into action.

"But, if you refuse, you cannot use anything I have ever created."

Van Helsing's eye twitched. He never knew Carl could be so devious. If he agreed, he could be sure to make a mockery of himself, but if he refused, no crossbow… it proved to be one of the hardest decision he ever had to make.

After a few seconds of Carl sweating, hoping this would work, and Van Helsing having a vicious, bloody battle in his head, Van Helsing mumbled, "Fine."

Carl literally jumped for joy.

"Oh thank you, thank you! Thank you so much Van Helsing! You won't regret it!"

"I have a feeling I will…" he mumbled.


Van Helsing stared at the piece of clothing in his hands. His eyes were as big as soccer balls as he handed it back to Carl.

"Nope. Deals off. Sorry, find a new tester person."


"No, I can just easily find a mad scientist friar. Yes. His name will be Frank and, no, he will be a monk so he can't lie. It will be wondrous. He would easily let me kill the Queen of England without bribery."

"Van Helsing…"he whined.

"I'm not wearing that, that thing!"

"Please? Look, I'm begging! I'm BEGGING of you!"

Van Helsing, in a rare moment of weakness, felt pity for the friar.

"Well, I guess if it means so much to you…"

Carl jumped back up and tossed the material at Van Helsing.

"You can change in the back."

As he was headed back, Carl added, "And don't try running. He knows where you are and what you are doing at all times."

After about ten minutes of Carl twiddling his thumbs and Van Helsing desperately trying to figure out how to put on Carl's "invention", Van Helsing immerged from the back of the lab.

Carl's hand flew over his mouth in order to stop the fit of giggles coming from the sight of him. He hadn't thought it would be THAT tight.

"Carl, what Is this for? I look ridiculous."

"That indeed you do," Carl spluttered as he erupted into another fit of giggles.

"Can I take it off? I'm taking it off."

"No! I just need to see a few things…" Carl said as he picked up a crossbow."Now, just hold still, and I'll see just how arrow proof this thing is."

"There's NO WAY this is arrow proof so stop pointing that at me!"

Van Helsing was right. His costume was made of thick, shiny black rubber. A full body suit that stopped at the neck and zipped all the way from the heel to the nape of his neck. You could say it almost resembled Cat Woman.

"Don't worry, I made sure it was. Well, it looked as though it was…"

"That is my que to get out of your firing range. Besides, I don't want the arrow to end up in my head, result of your spot on aim."

"Here," he said as he put his helmet on his head, "Now your brain is safe."

"No, this is where I draw the line Carl."

He sighed." Fine. We'll just skip to the fire testing."

Van Helsing just gave Carl a, 'There is no way in seven hells I am doing that' look.

Carl sighed dramatically as he blew out the candle in his hands.

"Well, now there's only the last test."

Van Helsing breathed a sigh of relief. A few more minutes and then this torture will be over.

"The elements test. We simply go out into the streets and see how it does with the real world."

"No no no no no, no. I am not wearing this outside this lab."

"But Van Helsing," he said with a smirk, "What if it doesn’t hold up in the sun?"

"You were sure that it was arrow proof and flame retardant, but you think it will MELT?"

"Not necessarily. If you're too embarrassed to wear it outside, you might just spontaneously combust," Carl laughed at Van Helsing's face when he realized that he had been tricked.

"Wha-Wha, if I could run, I would kill you! Um, now, how do I get this thing off?"

Carl laughed as loud as he could, took one look at Van Helsing, and shrugged.

"I made it to embarrass you, not to be easy to get off!"