This A Bit of Fry & Laurie slash fan fiction contains men (Tony and Control) who clearly love and care about one another, and express it in the most pedantic manner imaginable.
If that and sensuality between men offends you, click away and don't read it.

This A Bit of Fry & Laurie fan fiction was written for Yuletide, 2011

An Illicit Co-Worker Affair Filled with Passionate Socks

Cousin Shelley


"Good morning, Control." Tony Murchison stepped into the office to find Control at the window. "And how are you today?"

"Good morning, Tony. I'm very well, thank you. I hope you're doing just as well as I am, if not possibly even better."

Tony walked to the window, smiling. "Why, thank you, Control. If you're jolly well good and right cheery, then I suppose I am doing just as well as you."

"Wonderful news, Tony. Come and have a look through my telescupe. There is something I'd very much like for you to see."

Tony peered through the device. "I see a woman carrying an orange umbrella, a car that looks to be parked quite illegally, and a man selling what appear to be meat pies from a cart."

Control smiled and patted Tony's shoulder. "As always you are ever so observant, Tony. But what do you see behind the illegally parked car, the woman expecting rain and the street vendor?"

"I believe that's a rather large hotel, if I'm not mistaken."

"Wonderful, Tony. Your sleuthing skills grow sharper by the day." His hand slipped lower on Tony's back.

"Is there something I'm supposed to notice about this particular hotel, Control?"

Control sighed and pulled his hand away, though he still stood close enough that his side brushed Tony's. "There's not especially something you should notice, but there is a specific reason why I wanted you to observe that particular hotel. And I must admit to being quite nervous about my reason, Tony."

"Nervous, Control? I must say that has me concerned, because I know how very much it takes to shake your composure. It is almost 11 o'clock. Perhaps I should go and fetch you a bracing coffee?" Tony put a hand on Control's shoulder.

Control smiled and shook his head. "That's very thoughtful of you, Tony, but in the time it would take you to fetch a coffee--not that it takes you very much time because you're quite efficient, of course--I fear that the anticipation of my explanation would grow enough that I'd be even more nervous by the time you returned. Tony . . . you do remember Simon, don't you?"

"Of course, Control! How could I forget your favorite pigeon, especially after you took such care in feeding him that you overlooked your own personal safety."

"I'm so glad you remember that, because my falling out of the window while feeding Simon with a little too much zeal is key to this conversation. That's the day I realized just how much I treasure our relationship, Tony."

Tony tilted his head from side to side, smiling and blushing a little. "I'm quite fond of you, too, Control. Though I'm not sure what feeding Simon and falling from the window has to do with me."

"Well, you see, Tony, as I was rushing toward the pavement with gathering speed, a surprising number of thoughts went through my head. But by far the loudest thought, louder even than my own frantic screaming, was what a terrible shame it was that I would never see you again. It was that thought that prompted me to wave my arms as if swimming to change my trajectory in mid-air so that I would land on a small child, and as is obvious after all this time, not be smashed into a million tiny bits."

"The fact that you're still one big bit, if nothing else, is certain. And I must admit to being flattered, Control, that you thought of me during such a difficult time."

"I did, Tony. And I've thought of very little else since. The hotel you see through that telescupe is the one where I'd like us to start spending our lunch breaks. And perhaps a few hours on odd Saturdays."

"Mm hm, mm hm," Tony said, nodding. "Are we going to be spying on the vendor, or listening to some sort of espionage planning in another room, Control?"

"We're not going be spying on anyone, Tony. I'd rather like it ever so much if instead we spent the time having passionate sex during which I will declare my love and affection for you repeatedly." Control smiled nervously.

Tony blushed and wrung his hands. "Control, I . . . I have to confess that I'm positively giddy at the idea because . . . I've been covertly using coffee to express my affection for you in a socially acceptable manner, in the hopes of avoiding us becoming the subject of a scandalous rumor in the canteen. In fact, Control, sometimes I make the coffee extra strong just because I feel . . . frisky." He giggled.

"Oh, I had hoped as much, Tony. I'm aflutter with contentment."

"But what about Mrs. Control," Tony said, clearly concerned. "Surely she would frown on the change in your lunch plans."

"I do appreciate your worry for Mrs. Control, but I'm sure there's no need for it. She has her quilting club. And then there's the plumber she's been having an affair with ever since he had to unplug our pipes. He's a lovely fellow, and we've never had another drip under the sink."

"Whew. That's a relief, Control. As we all know, a drip can lead to much more serious problems."

"Indeed. But that aside, Mrs. Control didn't question my plans when I explained that I'd being going with my friend Tony to a motel during my lunch break from now on so that he and I could enjoy socks together."

"Oh, very clever, Control. Leave it to you to think of using code."


"So, Tony, I hope you're quite pleased with our new lunch arrangements." Control sighed as Tony curled up against him. They only had a few minutes before they'd need to dress and head back to the office.

"Control, I'm beside myself with glee about it, I don't mind telling you. I almost forgot--I have a surprise for you." Tony rolled away and reached into a satchel next to the bed. He produced a large thermos with two cups. "You missed your 11 o'clock coffee today, Control."

"Oh, Tony, I fear you've made me positively misty."

"Yes, Control, I can see that your eyes do appear to glisten a bit more than a moment ago. I have sugar cubes in my pocket, but I fear I didn't consider a way to bring along any cream."

Control and Tony looked at each other before laughing at Tony's unintended innuendo.

"Boh," said Control, blushing madly.